My Transformational Grief Journey

Today is the 7th anniversary of my first husband’s unexpected death at the age of 34, which was the first of four major losses in as many years. Losing my best friend was one of the hardest and most painful aspects of my journey to date, second only to losing my mind and holding my young daughter in the loss of her father.

I’ve noticed that each time someone close to me has died, I become very clear on the gifts of their love, and deepen my commitment to embodying those gifts to honor their legacy.

Gosha was the first person who held me and loved me, exactly as I was. He taught me it was possible to live through my madness, and often kept me safe. He taught me it was possible to love myself and others unconditionally. He taught me that I could trust myself, no matter what judgment or disapproval challenged my truth. His love, commitment and acceptance was the foundation of possibility in an otherwise upside-down world.

He gave me the gift of life in so many ways, most especially in the gift of our daughter, who is truly an angel on earth. Though we lament that he is not with us to celebrate her milestones, we continue to honor him in many ways, and I often delight in seeing him live on through her.
I am endlessly grateful for and humbled by the powerful lessons and difficult-to-find gifts of profound grief, and honored to walk with others along their unique healing journeys. 🕊

Image: The night before our wedding on May 22, 2004